The Apprentice

‘Sorry.’ He mustered some courage to mutter this. Even then not enough to look me in the eyes. He quickly went back to his work station and filled his hands with other things to do.

However, both our minds were filled with the same issue.

Just when I thought that I am invincible, I faced a dentist’s nightmare.
Dentists got a lot of nightmares. This is one of it.

The palatal root of the upper first permanent molar dived into the maxillary antrum.

The patient was mine. I removed all the roots except for this palatal one. I tried and I decided to let it be. Then my apprentice appeared and I asked if he would like to have a go. He gloved up, knowing that I will back him up.

Apprentices.
They learn when you give them a chance. They dare to step out if you assure them that you’re gonna catch them when they fall. They will fight knowing that you have their backs. I encouraged him to attempt difficult extractions, try different techniques of doing dentistry, I showed him interesting cases, etc. I want my apprentice to be a remarkable person. A remarkable dental officer. Learn. Fall down and get up.

Who am I kidding… when I have so much flaws myself.

This afternoon, he probably felt worse than I did. I am feeling terrible enough.
I wasn’t even slightest mad at him. I was mad at myself. If I know how to draw a line and stop digging, why the hell did I ask my boy to try? I really think I can save his skin, huh?

I was once an apprentice to many. I remember giving my restorative specialist one complication after another. And of course I remember how Hash took my bullets.

This time I will take the bullets. I should’ve been firm to say ‘OK, let’s stop trying.’ I have in my powers to do so! It was me who allowed all this to happen. The root went into the antrum with a total green light from me.

I appreciate what I am feeling right now.
Broken cockiness.
Dejected. I almost wanted to rain in the clinic for my failure, but then I am stronger than that. I save my tears and shed them when I am alone.

The patient.
I’m sorry, on behalf of my apprentice. I will take full responsibilities. I’m sorry that this incident is going to draw a lot from you. Things are about to get messy. Please just don’t call the lawyers.

I promise to be a better me.
I’m growing up.
Happy 26th Birthday… me.

No Wonder….

I read the e-mail he sent to me.
His first and only mail to me.
Unexpected.
Beautifully heart written.
He wanted to encourage me and to strengthen me.
Such deep emotions…
What was that, I wonder?
Compassion?
I tried to hold back tears.
It’s OK, brother.
I am alright.
I am with God.
I wanted to thank you by hugging you tight,
Instead I’ll just reply your e-mail.

Then laaaaaaaater, I stumbled upon his blog.
I just can’t explain….
Sorrowfully written.
He was crying. For me.
He was praying. For me.
‘Lord, she needs You, Lord. She needs You.’
What was that, he wondered?
Compassion?
Such a young brother
With such a heart beating closely to Jesus’
And I can no longer hold back tears.
Not even everytime I think of it.

Sedap Sana

The vehicle with the moon logo was loaded with 4 people.

The officer, the surgical assistant, the health assistant and the driver.

We were heading back to our own clinic after a quiet relief day at Felda Clinic. Only 2 patients for the whole morning. I guess people are still pretty much in Raya mood. Eaten a lot but teeth haven’t started to ache.

Somebody suggested that we get lunch on the way back to Slim River clinic. They wanted the approval of the officer. But of course! I gave green lights and told the driver to make a detour and take us to a place with good lunch.

He said… to my amusement,
‘Ah! Kite pergi hospital. They got a cafeteria there and sedap sana!’

‘Ha? Hospital?’
O my goodness. Slim River is so devoid of good food that you need to go to the hospital not to see a doctor, but to buy lunches.

The driver was so generous that he paid for all our packed meals.
And yeah, it was good.

A Good Day

This morning I woke up after a 10 minutes snooze, which felt sufficient. Sometimes even a half hour snooze just ain’t enough. This morning I leaped from my bed, switched ON the lights and switched ON my computer.

Like routine, I opened my favourite playlist of songs, turned the volume up and headed towards the toilet. Worship songs sounded really good when everything else is quiet and the sun is still beyond the horizon.

I brushed my teeth and did my laundry while humming along to the songs. I caught my own reflection in the mirror and I thought ‘Hey you there worshipping God looking real good’. O gosh, blush. This is a morning I knew I am filled with the Spirit.

And everything else made this a great day.
• At 7.30am, I checked my inbox and found a really touching and encouraging e-mail. Beautifully heart written.
• Had a good chat with my staff Lira and Faizan at relief clinic.
• Received an sms ‘Happy 6 Day Be-early Birthday’
• A video director allowed me to try tear down my own walls and be part of her work
• Having a good friend planning and cooking my meals next week
• My humble driver paid for my lunch
• The x-ray showed that my teeth are still non-carious

It just happened.

Fever Hater

Come to think of it, I worked as a dental officer for more than a year already and I haven’t taken a single sick leave. For a moment, I thought that it would be nice if I can get an MC tomorrow and I don’t have to work. Then again, I don’t wanna be sick!

I can bear a few different common illness that any homo sapiens is susceptible to. But not fever. I hate fever inside out.

First, when the thermoanalysor (my own phrase) inside the brain became haywire, the body perceives heat and cold very differently. I am cold and hot at the same time. My head is spinning and heavy, that I wish to lie flat on the floor with my head inside a bucket of ice.
Everything the eyes captured transferred into the brain as objects out of proportion. The table is longer, the door isn’t straight, the ceiling is falling in. When I thread down the stairs, it feels like floating on uneven steps. So I’ll just shut my eyes. But it got worse when I open them again.

Counter-fever measures that I took.
1. One orange and a can of cold tea from the fridge
2. Shower head to toe in cold water
3. Fan up and cool down
4. Loads of H2O
5. Fill my head with happy thoughts (very difficult even for an optimist like me)
6. Look at simple and happy items (comedic movie, Gooey, lollipop, etc)
7. Prayers and sweet words of encouragement from people

I don’t want to fall sick… O mommy….

Jave and Yen Pinng’s visit to Slim River

Simply blessed ~

A New Habit

“They are not just passers-by.” Ps Simon.

Subconsciously, I was developing a new habit. Probably due to and since Slim River.
I am becoming more conversational with strangers on duty.

Strangers on Duty : Cashiers, Counter staff, waiters, petrol attendant. ok, you get what I mean.

Today alone, I spoke to the waitress at Dim Sum shop. To Kathleen of Starbucks. Wanted to speak to Suci at Carrefour counter but she kept looking down, until she lit up when I said thank you. And to the waiter at EatnRun.

After getting my Coffee, I went to order take away lunch from EatnRun. A young man was serving the counter. Conversationally, I asked his opinions and placed my orders.

‘Would you like to add a ringgit for drinks?’

‘Uh… no thanks. I got my Starbucks.’ I lifted the paper bag as a gesture.

And I waited for them to prepare my food.
When it was readily packed, the young man came to my table.

‘Here you are.’ He placed the package on the table but held it there until I was ready to take over. I find it awkward for him to wait there, as I fumbled and kept away my handphone, looped my pouch over my hand and at the same time hold my Starbucks in paper bag until I finally took the package from him.

‘Have I seen you before?’ He asked.

‘I don’t… think so.’ I replied courteously. Lolz, pick-up line?? I never thought that I have a common face. ‘I am not from around here…’

‘Where do you work then?’

‘Somewhere… Perak.’ The thing is, I might have really seen him before but my ability to remember names and faces is really pathetic. So, deviating towards the truth is the best strategy. My bet is, he asked because I was friendly enough that he thought I recognized him from somewhere. With a smile, I left with my food and Starbucks.

It is simply ironic. I went around searching for a meal that costs less than RM10 and won’t even blink twice paying fifteen bucks for a cuppa Starbucks.
Yes, my dear, Starbucks is the new habit.

People Weekend

This weekend, I made at least a dozen of new friends. Power of Kuala Lumpur, huh.

Saturday night, I was at Dave’s Pizza for Louis’ be-earlied birthday celebration. The food was awesome, albeit the humongous portion. The people. Let’s talk about the people, for this is what this blog entry is about. The table of 11 is made up of mostly Sandakanians, mostly ex-Sung Siew people, among which, only 4 I knew prior to this including birthday boy himself. The rest are new to me, and I to them.

The gang is a fun bunch and they had known one another so well, celebrated years of everybody’s birthday, and pulled, no, yanked each others legs so hard, over the cheerful mugs of beers. Beer isn’t something I grew up with, and my university years were relatively clear of it. (Did I hear a gasp? No beer in college life??) Aw, come on, 80% of Malaysians in local universities are infrequent or no beer people. OK, that was my own figure and assumption, but I am pretty sure I couldn’t be too wrong.

Alright, so here are a bunch of Malaysians, or Sandakanians to be exact, who did private college in Malaysia, and absolutely generous with their spendings. My gosh, and I thought I had a decade of ear wax unclean when I heard that the bill for the night totaled to RM1000 plus (meaning RM100+ per pax). Not that I can’t afford it, I’m even more than willing to spend and party with them. It was just a lifestyle foreign to me. And someone also mentioned,
‘Come to think of it, there is no birthday celebrations among the gang that costs less than one grand.’
‘And not forgetting the gifts too!’ Luxurious gifts, I tell you. Either these people are earning big bucks or they are poor savers.

Whatever it is. Louis’ gang is fun and friendly. Like usual tho, I need time.

_____________________________________________________________________

Sunday night, my brother Ryan and his buddy Justin gathered a gang of 13 people including myself, and we headed to Kuala Selangor in a convoy of 3 cars.

13 people … Closest one being my own brother Ryan.
Justin, I met twice.
The rest are new to me. And I to them. Out of 13, 3 are Caucasians. Out of 13, 11 soaked in salty water before. Out of 13, 4 are witty lawyers and a few marketing people. In a gang of 13, most of them had met one another only a few times, or probably none.
Whoa… I am talking about the American/English stylo party. When you walk into a place full of strangers chatting warmly with one another, or they slump on your couch like they had been here many times before.

Thinking about my own university friends who refused to go to places without familiar faces. For the record, not everyone is like this. Alice Heng and Joan Lim are open and friendly individuals who like to meet people. When I invite people to anything, are we not familiar with the question ‘Who else is going?’

This Salty Water bunch is a well mix of pretty Malaysian ladies and funky gentlemen. Everybody speaks English with the Mumble-Jumbo accent, like mumbling through the sentences. Everybody takes care of their teeth and smiled like million watt. They joked and made fun like they’ve known each other for years, although everyone is kinda new to one another. Yeah, they are cool and confident people. They are bubbly and have a lot of comments about many things. (I do feel like I was surrounded by a lot of different Verns at the same time).

I must admit, I thought I am a better quality of Malaysian graduates among many. Until I have this bunch of Malaysians in front of my eyes, I did developed inferiority complex for a moment.

Alright, beer is unavoidable. We got 3 caucasians, remember? And a whole lot of boys and girls who did college in UK. Beer to them is like teh tarik to us.

This bunch is so open and friendly that at the end of the day, there were hugs of goodbyes. I know, it’s no big deal we saw it on TV all the time. Sometimes in church. But in Malaysia, the circular? OK I can easily recall the hugs in the past month. They are considered Salty Water survivors too (Brenda, Yong…). I only got a goodbye hug from Joan after 5 years of studying together~ Otherwise, I don’t think it’s in the local local culture. Yet. I imagine Pik San, my ex-housemate, will scream and freak out.

This Salty Water Malaysians are really cool and fun. And like usual, I need time.

Punctuated Conversation

“Hi… I am Joseph.” Another new friend introduced himself. Wow, at church, you really get to meet a lot of people. Joseph is a tall guy with dark hair, and a great smile (as per dentist’ point of view). He spoke English slowly, with an accent that gave him away as a foreigner even with the first Hi.

To me, it was a great conversation with a person I never met before.
I asked him where is he from.

‘I… am…. From…. Sou…’
‘Saudi Arabia,’ another cheeky church friend chipped in. With that punctuated speech, it is truly easy to interject his sentences.

Joseph maintained the friendly smile and nodded ‘Yes.’

‘O really? You’re an Arabian?’
‘Yes… yes…’ the smile never left him.

‘O gosh… I thought you look Chinese.’ Dark hair and yellow-skin, see.

After some further conversation, it was interesting to note how new English learners speak. And at many points, while Joseph was talking(slowly), at the back of my head I was playing this ‘Finish the Sentence Game’. Interestingly, I just got most of them wrong. His sentences and ideas are not predictable, thus new Joe began to develop a personality behind that face. He explained that he is studying English now and helping out Koreans and he is new in Malaysia, and… Wait a minute!

‘You can speak Korean?’
‘O… Yes… I can.’ Joseph said. Amazing! How many Arabian can speak Korean?

Joseph and I might not communicate at the speed of light, but his brains are working just as fast as a smart guy.
‘What. You … really…. believe… I … am ….. from….Sau….’

O my gosh. He duped me.
‘You are from South Korea!!’ My mind could work so fast at times, it made me a number one idiot. But it was all cheer. Joseph was cool to talk with.
‘Ah… Yes… yes…’

That was quite something. Duping me the first time you meet me, even more in a language that I am supposed to have an upper hand !
Then we talked about other stuffs.

‘What… is…. your…. name…. again?’
Okay, ALEXIS could be a hard one for a Korean + English language newbie. So, I just showed him my bible, the one with my name and a tree. My bible catches a lot of attention because of a kick-ass skin design. I am proud to bring it around and it is always a pleasure to explain to people that a friend designed and personalized it for me.

‘Wow… You …. Have… a…………..’

The mind started to play that little game.
A nice bible skin?
A great design?

‘a…. very…. Good….. friend….(chuckle)’ That warm smile never faded.

Wrong guess again. I thought about what Joseph just said.
With my own signature smile, I replied ‘Yes, you are right.’

What do you Celebrate?

Finally!!
After a month of pure(ish) solituding, sometimes sleeping as early as 10pm, spending my nights watching drama series, practicing Canon Rock on the electric guitar, the inactivity and the feeling of unproductiveness is just killing me.

I need to get out of this cocoon!
I need internet !!!!
I need to get connected to the world! I need to know what is going on and I need a channel to express and I need input… like desperately. Yes, it is almost imaginable many people’s reaction would actually be..
‘Ha !!!! How the heck you survived a month without Internet?’

So I drove 20 minutes to Tanjung Malim (for the third time) and found TM Point open. Phew, I told the teller ‘Nak pasang Streamyx.’ And my facial expression was like ‘at all cost!’

There were a few forms to fill and I found the most interesting question.

What do you celebrate?
□ Hari Raya
□ Chinese New Year
□ Deepavali
□ Christmas
□ Others. Please state …..

Probably because of the 1Malaysia hoo-ha that is going on in the country, which I am pretty fond and supportive of it, I appreciate their subtlety of not asking

Religion? _______________

Therefore, in the spirit of 1Malaysia, I ticked all of them. I celebrate all of them.
Well, we have holidays for all of them what.